Don't make out with my wife yet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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