My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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