i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
