meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
