I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
