my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize