Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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