best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize