I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
