In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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