god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
