There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
