Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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