just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
