i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
