Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FUCK WHALES
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