Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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