The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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