A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..