Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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