Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
