i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
