covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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