I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
