I just cut my nipple shaving
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
