Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
