I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
