where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
