i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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