I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
