I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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