I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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