is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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