just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
