Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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