I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize