You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
