just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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