I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
