I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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