Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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