Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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