The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
