I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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