Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
