is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
