So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
