You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
