Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
