So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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