last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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