just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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