Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
