Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
