She is in my trunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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