all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
