The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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