mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize