hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
