Cold hands, warm shart.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
