There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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