just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up under a house in Key West
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
