So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
