You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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