i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
